Best comedy TV quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Reba picture

Barbra Jean: Maybe next time I'll marry someone whose ex-wife appreciates me.

More Reba quotes
The New Adventures of Old Christine picture

Christine Campbell: There's something about lying on the floor, hiding from our lovers, that's telling me we're not in control of our lives as we should be.

More The New Adventures of Old Christine quotes
Get Smart picture

School Days - S1-E3

Max: When the moon is full, the tide is high.
Old Lady: You must want the spy school, that's next door.

More Get Smart quotes
The Comeback picture

Valerie Cherish: Instead of the barbeque line I could say, "If I let you have the puppies I'll have to let weird old Mr. Schmidt have a SATAN flag!" See, that's good, because everybody hates Satan.

More The Comeback quotes
Big Wolf on Campus picture

Merton: From an old legend, and the third season of Buffy.

More Big Wolf on Campus quotes
More Ms. Marvel quotes
More Committed quotes
Look Around You picture

Narrator: You don't have to be a brain surgeon to operate on the brain.

More Look Around You quotes
My Family picture

Susan: I have decided to put an end to this madness that is ruining all our lives.
Michael: You're going to kill dad?

More My Family quotes
Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps picture

Jonny: My daughter will want for nothing. She'll have dollies-a-plenty. And bears but no clowns, they scare me. And on a perfect summer's eve, when the sun dances like... Michael Flatley... after our dinner of spaghetti hoops, we shall run like Billy-ho himself, down to a sea so calm it would make Des Lynam look like a big, scary wolfman. She will be the most cherished little girl in the whole world. My little Ferrari.
Janet: Jonny, I'm not pregnant.
Jonny: Oh thank fuck for that.

More Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps quotes
The Angry Beavers picture

Daggett: Urethra! I found something.

More The Angry Beavers quotes
Pee-wee's Playhouse picture

Salesman: I'm going door-to-door to make you this incredible offer.
Pee-wee: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh! salesmen.

More Pee-wee's Playhouse quotes
The O.C. picture

Summer: Suddenly, my family not looking so dysfunctional.
Marissa: You do realise that this is my family too?

More The O.C. quotes
The Beverly Hillbillies picture

Female Bank Robber Masquerading As "Doublenaught Spy" Recruiter: We'll never find another... brain... like his.
Male Bank Robber Also Masquerading: He's a double-zero if I ever saw one.

More The Beverly Hillbillies quotes
Jeeves & Wooster picture

Bertie: He wants to marry Myrtle Snap?
Jeeves: Precisely so, Sir, but Mrs. Snap refuses to consider such a venture while Sir Roderick's daughter remains unmarried. In a colourful turn of phrase she stated that specific and scarcely to be anticipated meteorological conditions would have to take place in the infernal region before she would share a home with Miss Honoria.

More Jeeves & Wooster quotes
TaleSpin picture

Baloo: If it's got wings I can fly it! Sometimes even if it doesn't.

More TaleSpin quotes
Miss Match picture

Kate Fox: Sometimes confronting the past is the only way to move on.

More Miss Match quotes
Kim Possible picture

Dr. Drakken: Oh look, it's Kim Possible and her friend.
Ron: Hello, I've got a name.
Dr. Drakken: Which I can never remember.

More Kim Possible quotes
More Even Stevens quotes
Maude picture

Dr. Arthur Harmon: No offense Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.
Maude Findlay: No offense Arthur, but that's the only way you'd ever touch me.

More Maude quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.