Best comedy movie quotes of all time

Please vote as you browse around to help the best rise to the top.

Movie Quote Quiz
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory picture

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka, I don't know if you remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.
Willy Wonka: Were you one of those despicable spies who everyday tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copycat candy making cads?
Grandpa Joe: No, sir.
Willy Wonka: Then wonderful, welcome back.

More Charlie and the Chocolate Factory quotes
Blazing Saddles picture

Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.

More Blazing Saddles quotes
Police Academy picture

Carey Mahoney: What are you in for?
Larvell Jones: I'll show you. [holds a microphone to his mouth and imitates gun fire causing everyone to drop to the floor.]
Desk Officer: GOD DAMN IT, STOP THAT.

More Police Academy quotes
The Princess Bride picture

Inigo Montoya: That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fezzik: ...fuss...fuss... I think he likes to scream at us.
Inigo Montoya: Probably he means no harm.
Fezzik: He's really very short on charm.
Inigo Montoya: Oh, you've a great gift for rhyme.
Fezzik: Yes, yes, some of the time.
Vizzini: Enough of that.
Inigo Montoya: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
Fezzik: If there are, we'll all be dead.
Vizzini: No more rhymes now, I mean it.
Fezzik: Anybody want a peanut?
Vizzini: AARRGGHH!

More The Princess Bride quotes
Smokey and the Bandit picture

Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.

More Smokey and the Bandit quotes
Robin Hood: Men in Tights picture

Robin Hood: For my first order of business, I wish to appoint a new Sheriff of Rottingham. My friend, Achoo.
Achoo: All right.
Crowd: A black sheriff?
Blinkin: He's black?
Achoo: And why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles.

More Robin Hood: Men in Tights quotes
Shrek picture

Gingy: Ok, ok...I'll tell you. Do you know the Muffin Man?
Farquad: The Muffin Man?
Gingy: The Muffin Man.
Farquad: Yes, I know the Muffin Man. Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well...she's married to...the Muffin Man.
Farquad: The Muffin Man?
Gingy: The Muffin Man!
Farquad: She's married to the Muffin Man?

More Shrek quotes
Klaus picture

Klaus: A true selfless act always sparks another.

More Klaus quotes
The Two Popes picture

Pope Francis: When no-one is to blame, everyone is to blame.

More The Two Popes quotes
The Mask picture

The Mask: Our love is like a red, red rose... And I am a little thorny.

More The Mask quotes
Deadpool 2 picture

Blind Al: Can you speak up? It’s hard to hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.

More Deadpool 2 quotes
Grease picture

Rizzo: I got so many hickeys, people'll think I'm a leper.
Kenickie: Cheer up! A hickey from Kenickie is like a Hallmark card.

More Grease quotes
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective picture

Ace Ventura: Aaalll righty then.

More Ace Ventura: Pet Detective quotes
Tangled picture

Flynn Rider: They just can't get my nose right.

More Tangled quotes
Wreck-It Ralph picture

Vanellope von Schweetz: As your merciful princess I hereby decree that everyone who was ever mean to me shall be...executed.
Crowd of girls: What?!
Sergeant Calhoun: Well, this place just got interesting.

More Wreck-It Ralph quotes
Superbad picture

Jules: You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.
Seth: Well Jules, the funny thing about my back is that it's located on my cock.

More Superbad quotes
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls picture

Ace: Tell them what I'm saying. [To Wachootoo tribe] I come in peace.
Ouda: White devil say, "I will harm you."
Ace: I couldn't help but notice that Eqinsu Ocha part. Did you just refer to me as White Devil?
Ouda: This how they know you.
Ace: Leave that part out from now on. [To tribe] I represent the princess.
Ouda: I am a princess.
Ace: War is hell. The last thing we want is a fight.
Ouda: I want to fight. So go to Hell.

More Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls quotes
Austin Powers in Goldmember picture

Austin Powers: Mole! Bloody mole! We aren't supposed to talk about the bloody mole, but there's a bloody mole winking me in the face! I want to cut it off, chop it off, and make guacaMOLE!

More Austin Powers in Goldmember quotes
Fighting with My Family picture

Julia Knight: Dick me dead, and bury me pregnant.

More Fighting with My Family quotes
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory picture

Willy Wonka: Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.
Charlie Bucket: What happened?
Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

More Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory quotes

Join the mailing list

Separate from membership, this is to get updates about mistakes in recent releases. Addresses are not passed on to any third party, and are used solely for direct communication from this site. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Check out the mistake & trivia books, on Kindle and in paperback.